Monday, April 6, 2009

Molly's Rules for the Mega-Mall

1. Just because it COMES in your size, doesn't mean you should actually wear it.

2. On the same note, just because it looks good on your best friend, coworker, sister, mother-in-law, yoga teacher, etc. doesn't mean that it will look good on you.

3. Don't wear sunglasses indoors, at night unless you are blind.....or Corey Hart.

4. Leggings don't go with everything. They certainly aren't pants. And wearing them with a hoodie, a "Vegetarian Vampire" t-shirt, and a frayed denim skirt, does NOT make you Edward Cullen's next girlfriend. It makes you a tool.

5. Tearing out pages from last May's Vogue and putting ALL the trends together for an outfit is inadvisable.....very highly inadvisable.

6. A word about button-down shirts: if the two sides do not meet entirely when you button it, DO NOT BUY IT. This means that it doesn't fit. Maybe go the next size up and get it tailored, even. But don't try to convince yourself that the visibility of your bra through the gaps in front looks like a tank top. You may be fooling yourself, but you're not fooling anyone else. Trust.

7. Umm...those kiosks that sell fake purses? Those aren't fooling anyone either.

8. You are not Carrie Bradshaw. We do not need or want to see your underwear. And, by the way, Carrie Bradshaw is a fictional character. Those were costumes. Ponder that before you leave the house.